


First Nights

by egelskaseriunaHxH



Series: Killugon Fics [1]
Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Gen, Light Angst, M/M, Past Child Abuse, Pining, Post-Chimera Ant Arc
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-10
Updated: 2020-11-10
Packaged: 2021-03-08 19:26:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 505
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27491899
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/egelskaseriunaHxH/pseuds/egelskaseriunaHxH
Summary: Killua reflects on his emotions the first night after parting with Gon.
Relationships: Alluka Zoldyck & Killua Zoldyck, Gon Freecs & Killua Zoldyck, Gon Freecs/Killua Zoldyck
Series: Killugon Fics [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2111367
Comments: 5
Kudos: 74





	First Nights

**Author's Note:**

> This was typed on my phone at some ungodly hour when I could not sleep and was overwhelmed with Killugon nostalgia/feels, so please excuse if the writing is rough, as I edit my own ficlets alone and I am dyslexic and autistic.

First nights always seemed to hold the most weight.

Killua remembers the first night after he killed his first victim; the turmoil of a child's conscience clashing with the horrors of the traumatic training administered by his family, grooming him into a seasoned assassin.

He remembers the first night he slept alongside Gon, Leorio and Kurapika during their Hunter exam like it was yesterday.

He remembers his first night back at Kukuroo Mountain after being disqualified from his first Hunter exam and the crushing weight of knowing that he had _almost_ escaped.

He remembers the first nights of going to Yorknew City, Whale Island, Greed Island and NGL beside Gon; the desperate need for adventure, and eventually, survival, outweighing all other emotions back then.

Yet now, here he was, with the finality of knowing that it could be months or, more likely, years before he would see Gon again. It was the first night that he was truly away from Gon after 2 years of being at his side.

After saying goodbye at the World Tree, he and Alluka had taken an airship to the nearest seaside town, taking them further away from Gon than should have been possible in the space of 12 hours.

The anxiety and borderline-despair that clutched at his chest, tugged at his heartstrings and made his stomach ache was far different from any emotion he had ever felt before in his life.

He knew that this was something that had to be done; he wanted it - _needed_ it - too. He wanted the time with Alluka to show her the world and to prove to them both that life could be different from secluded mansions that really functioned as abusive prisons.

He wanted the opportunity to heal and to grow into himself and to allow Alluka that same privilege. He knew that he had to part from Gon in order to fully forgive him and get a grasp on his emotions ~~and also to forgive himself for deserting Alluka~~.

In his mind, Killua was assured of all of these things, yet his heart seemed to be missing the memo as painful pangs continued to radiate throughout his torso. He almost sent a message off to Leorio to ask what was the scientific reasoning behind ~~heartbreak~~ emotions causing physical pain, but he knew that would just open a festering can of worms bursting with emotional baggage.

He shook his head lightly to draw himself back to his present reality and silently listened to the lulling sounds of the crashing waves while breathing the salty sea air in deeply - he steadfastly ignored the traitorous reminder from his brain of the similar air of Whale Island.

With one last glance over his shoulder that Alluka was, in fact, still asleep in the suite, Killua drew his knees up to his chest as he sat on the hotel balcony, relying on the protective veil of dark night and sound of the waves to hide the high tide of rolling tears on a painful first night.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Please leave any constructive criticism/feedback if you're willing to share :)
> 
> \- M. A.


End file.
